i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize