According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
