dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
