Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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