Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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