The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We were destined to go to rehab together
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
