i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
