So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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