Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
