Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
