Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
