The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
