I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He did a backflip because drugs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
