I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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