you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
