Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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