that's an acceptable place to lick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.