We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!