do herpes really smell.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge