Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.

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  (609): this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef. http://tfl.nu/eg87
  Replies (12) Good night (1242) Bad night (841)
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  (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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  (845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt. http://tfl.nu/ayuf
  Replies (147) Good night (1973) Bad night (5693)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.

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  (203): my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath. http://tfl.nu/lzk1
  Replies (9) Good night (1315) Bad night (3062)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

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  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6580) Bad night (1076)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.

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  (505): i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to. http://tfl.nu/elff
  Replies (3) Good night (2693) Bad night (1014)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (7574) Bad night (1392)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already

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  (401): hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already http://tfl.nu/dz2h
  Replies (7) Good night (2868) Bad night (973)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.

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  (636): I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle. http://tfl.nu/niba
  Replies (6) Good night (2377) Bad night (920)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable

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  (425): Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable http://tfl.nu/av4s
  Replies (8) Good night (3168) Bad night (888)
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  (760): View more from California

  I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart

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  (760): I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart http://tfl.nu/0amr
  Replies (7) Good night (1097) Bad night (607)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.

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  (315): I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening. http://tfl.nu/i72z
  Replies (3) Good night (643) Bad night (411)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.

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  (732): He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man. http://tfl.nu/spji
  Replies (2) Good night (318) Bad night (483)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Omg that was my second thought of the morning.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  First was that we had pop tarts.

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  (802): Omg that was my second thought of the morning. (802): First was that we had pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/egcs
  Replies (0) Good night (518) Bad night (333)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.

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  (360): That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back. http://tfl.nu/4p4r
  Replies (1) Good night (921) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.

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  (909): I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet. http://tfl.nu/vd59
  Replies (0) Good night (239) Bad night (130)

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