Apparently you make a good broom.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dating After Heartbreak
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.