I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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