Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
