she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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