I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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