Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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