i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
