I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
