I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
