I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
