Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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