he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i think i just lost a toe
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
