i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
