I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
