his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im holly from the hills drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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