I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
