that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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