p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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