You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
