the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize