I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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