We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
