Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
