Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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