i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
