He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
