he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
