I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
