just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My breath smells like gin and sadness
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
