Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
