Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize