My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
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