Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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