He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
