mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
