During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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