There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
