I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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