I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
