how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
