the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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