a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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