She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
