Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
