Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
