sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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