I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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