Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
