Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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