My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
