sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
