Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
