Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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