How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
