you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
