Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
