how can u be prego again
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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