Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
