He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
