He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
