cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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