i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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