I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
