I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
