We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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