butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
