if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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